by Judith Stafford | Jun 30, 2023 | Becoming a Wise Woman
Why you should embrace becoming an elder Nobody wants to get old. Most of us would prefer to avoid the ageing process if we could. But this is impossible; our bodies will age whether we want them to or not. That doesn’t mean there is nothing you can do to stay strong and healthy as much as possible, but that ageing is inevitable. The purpose of the second half of life The psychologist Carl Jung believed that the second half of life is for knowing and becoming your true self. It isn’t easy to pinpoint an exact age for when the second half of life begins. But I would say it is sometime in our late 40s. Nobody knows how long they have to live, but this is when most of us will begin to feel things have changed. The catalyst could be the death of a loved one, an illness or a traumatic event, or it could be as simple as realising that your priorities have changed. You begin questioning your values and what you want for the rest of your life. Past focuses, such as career or family, may take a back step as your needs change and you focus on what you want rather than the needs of others. Part of this process involves coming to terms with your mortality. It is scary – but you can’t ignore it or pretend it isn’t happening. Ageing in the 21st Century This new century has seen changes in the way we age. We are healthier and wealthier and have more time to spend after retirement than other generations....
by Judith Stafford | Jul 18, 2022 | Becoming a Wise Woman
A Beginner’s Guide to Growing Old Disgracefully I am sure you have heard the phrase ‘to grow old gracefully’, but what exactly does it mean? If you do an Internet search, you will find everyone has a different idea. From accepting you are now old to doing everything you can to avoid it. It is all quite depressing, really. I think the word ‘graceful’ is the wrong word. It either applies to the way you move or as an adjective to mean someone pleasant, polite and kind. All very pleasant, but not very inspiring and a bit passive for my taste. The words I associate with ‘growing old gracefully’ are nice, bland, and boring. This woman wears sensible clothes in muted colours and has neat, short hair. She doesn’t complain, accepts that she has had her time and is happy to step back and let the younger generation take the spotlight. I don’t know about you, but that isn’t something that I aspire to. But if you can age gracefully, does this mean you can also age disgracefully? Now that sounds much more appealing. What does ageing gracefully look like? During my Internet search, I found it covered how you look, and how you behave. Attitude didn’t come into it at all. How you look There are so many conflicting ideas. I can’t decide whether it means young looking as long as possible or letting nature take its course. According to The Lady, women over 50 should not be wearing miniskirts, skyscraper heels, false eyelashes, fake tan, leather trousers, baseball caps or glitter of any sort. Oh, and being...
by Judith Stafford | Sep 8, 2021 | Becoming a Wise Woman
Making Midlife the Best Time Ever When I started writing about being in my 50s, I couldn’t find a word that I liked to describe my age. The ones I did see were not very inspiring: Middle-aged (often used as an insult for being dull and boring) Mid-life (associated with ‘crisis’) Mature (what, like a cheddar?) Menopausal or even worse, Post-Menopausal (yuk, far too clinical) Crone (too old and warty) Which is when I decided on ‘wise woman’. I don’t really want to be any of the above, but I do quite like being a wise woman. Then, as I looked at what a wise woman was, I found that many images came to mind. A healer or midwife A shaman or medicine woman A Fairy Godmother An elder stateswoman or leader A witch or crone They all represent an older woman with a certain amount of skill and power, so I knew I was onto a winning name. So now, I want to reclaim the title wise woman for all women at or past menopause. Women living their best lives If you look up the word wisdom, it means ‘someone who has the experience, knowledge and good judgement.’ But I would also include the following as traits of the wise: Being authentic and trusting your intuition Learning from your mistakes Being independent and resourceful Open to learning new things They are non-judgemental as they are aware that they are not perfect Wanting to work for the common good rather than self-interest It is not easy to follow this path, and we will often fall short, but that does...
by Judith Stafford | Aug 17, 2021 | Becoming a Wise Woman
Six Things to do in midlife - whether you’re having a crisis or not! I think getting older has its benefits. It may not feel like it if you are going through the physical and emotional upheaval of perimenopause. But midlife isn’t just about menopause, it brings life changes that we should embrace and take full advantage of. In a recent post, I wrote about what not to do if you were having a midlife crisis. This post lists several things that I think you should be doing instead. The list isn’t definitive, I’m sure there are many more, but here are some suggestions for you to think about. 1. Define your own happiness As we get older priorities often change. The things that might have made you happy before, your job, buying new things or dedicating your time to bringing up a family may alter. Children leave home (hopefully!), jobs become less satisfying and the joy of consumerism dims. And that is ok, it is natural for things to change. But it is not always easy for us to know how to adapt when they do. You may feel guilty because you feel you should be happy with what you have got, especially if it was what you thought you always wanted. Or you may be aware of a desire for change but unsure of what to do about it and you are feeling stuck. Either way, the first thing you need to do is to accept that we all change and that it is ok to want something different. Then you need to decide what it is...
by Judith Stafford | Apr 6, 2021 | Becoming a Wise Woman
At least without thinking about it We have all been there. Wondering what happened to that bright young thing you used to be and if there is any way you can bring back that spark into your life. But before you do anything rash that you might regret, stop, and think about what you are doing. Make sure you know what it is you really want and understand the underlying problem. Here are six things that you have to avoid doing on the spur of the moment. I’m not saying you can’t do these things at all. Just that you really need to understand what you are doing and why before you do anything drastic. Pack in your job You’ve been doing the same job for the last 10 years and you’re bored. You don’t care about promotions anymore, you think the company sucks, your manager is an idiot, and your job just seems pointless. What you really want to do is to tell them all to get stuffed and go off and become an artist, a writer or join a band. You have still got dreams. Anything rather than sit at the same desk with the same people doing the same thing, again and again, every day until you retire or die. Leave your partner You have been together forever, built a home, raised the kids, and had some great times. But now you seem to have nothing in common, you argue all the time, and can’t remember the last time you enjoyed each other’s company. In fact, if you have to watch him or her, lying...
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