by Judith Stafford | Jul 18, 2022 | Becoming a Wise Woman
A Beginner’s Guide to Growing Old Disgracefully I am sure you have heard the phrase ‘to grow old gracefully’, but what exactly does it mean? If you do an Internet search, you will find everyone has a different idea. From accepting you are now old to doing everything you can to avoid it. It is all quite depressing, really. I think the word ‘graceful’ is the wrong word. It either applies to the way you move or as an adjective to mean someone pleasant, polite and kind. All very pleasant, but not very inspiring and a bit passive for my taste. The words I associate with ‘growing old gracefully’ are nice, bland, and boring. This woman wears sensible clothes in muted colours and has neat, short hair. She doesn’t complain, accepts that she has had her time and is happy to step back and let the younger generation take the spotlight. I don’t know about you, but that isn’t something that I aspire to. But if you can age gracefully, does this mean you can also age disgracefully? Now that sounds much more appealing. What does ageing gracefully look like? During my Internet search, I found it covered how you look, and how you behave. Attitude didn’t come into it at all. How you look There are so many conflicting ideas. I can’t decide whether it means young looking as long as possible or letting nature take its course. According to The Lady, women over 50 should not be wearing miniskirts, skyscraper heels, false eyelashes, fake tan, leather trousers, baseball caps or glitter of any sort. Oh, and being...
by Judith Stafford | Aug 17, 2021 | Becoming a Wise Woman
Six Things to do in midlife - whether you’re having a crisis or not! I think getting older has its benefits. It may not feel like it if you are going through the physical and emotional upheaval of perimenopause. But midlife isn’t just about menopause, it brings life changes that we should embrace and take full advantage of. In a recent post, I wrote about what not to do if you were having a midlife crisis. This post lists several things that I think you should be doing instead. The list isn’t definitive, I’m sure there are many more, but here are some suggestions for you to think about. 1. Define your own happiness As we get older priorities often change. The things that might have made you happy before, your job, buying new things or dedicating your time to bringing up a family may alter. Children leave home (hopefully!), jobs become less satisfying and the joy of consumerism dims. And that is ok, it is natural for things to change. But it is not always easy for us to know how to adapt when they do. You may feel guilty because you feel you should be happy with what you have got, especially if it was what you thought you always wanted. Or you may be aware of a desire for change but unsure of what to do about it and you are feeling stuck. Either way, the first thing you need to do is to accept that we all change and that it is ok to want something different. Then you need to decide what it is...
by Judith Stafford | Apr 6, 2021 | Becoming a Wise Woman
At least without thinking about it We have all been there. Wondering what happened to that bright young thing you used to be and if there is any way you can bring back that spark into your life. But before you do anything rash that you might regret, stop, and think about what you are doing. Make sure you know what it is you really want and understand the underlying problem. Here are six things that you have to avoid doing on the spur of the moment. I’m not saying you can’t do these things at all. Just that you really need to understand what you are doing and why before you do anything drastic. Pack in your job You’ve been doing the same job for the last 10 years and you’re bored. You don’t care about promotions anymore, you think the company sucks, your manager is an idiot, and your job just seems pointless. What you really want to do is to tell them all to get stuffed and go off and become an artist, a writer or join a band. You have still got dreams. Anything rather than sit at the same desk with the same people doing the same thing, again and again, every day until you retire or die. Leave your partner You have been together forever, built a home, raised the kids, and had some great times. But now you seem to have nothing in common, you argue all the time, and can’t remember the last time you enjoyed each other’s company. In fact, if you have to watch him or her, lying...
by Judith Stafford | Mar 2, 2021 | Becoming a Wise Woman
Why Life is great as you get older - Part 1 Now is the best time to take a good, hard look at who you are and begin healing those old emotional wounds. By the time you reach midlife, you will have had many experiences, some good, some bad and many, many in-between. You will have run the whole gamut of emotions, including joy, sorrow, anger, fear, hope, gratitude, contentment, anxiety, guilt, inspiration, and indifference, to name but a few. Some of these negative feelings and the experiences that created them may need processing in order to live a satisfying, fulfilling life without regrets. Midlife is the perfect time to examine the experiences that have had the most significant adverse effect on our lives. By now, we should have the skills and the maturity to see what happened more objectively and accept and forgive ourselves and others for the pain caused. Many events in our lives can upset us, and if repeated, they can lead to destructive behaviour and bad habits. If we want to have the best possible time during the second half of our lives, we must process some of the bad habits and limiting beliefs we have accumulated that are holding us back. This might seem daunting, and I do not suggest you try to deal with everything simultaneously. But there will almost certainly be particular behavioural patterns that you recognise in yourself that you would like to change. The most frequent include: Self-sabotage Feeling unloved or unlovable Procrastination and perfectionism People pleasing Negative self-talk Refusing to ask for or accept help Blaming others Not feeling...
by Judith Stafford | Feb 3, 2021 | Becoming a Wise Woman
Regeneration is for Women in Midlife Too many of us view getting older as an ending. The end of youth, the end of fertility, the end of periods (hurray!) and even the end of our attractiveness and visibility to men. I think this is a shame. Despite what many people think, there are benefits to getting older. Instead of seeing ageing in terms of loss, we should see it as a transition. One that opens up new opportunities to the way we live our lives. The second half of our life should be seen as a transition, not an ending Life naturally moves in cycles. Women especially, move from one phase to another through their lives. We shouldn’t see any of these stages as better or worse than the others but accept that each stage has a different emphasis. During our 40s and 50s, we experience one of those transitions, the most obvious symptom of which is menopause. This is natural, and instead of fighting it, we should embrace it. When we do, midlife can be a time of renewal and regeneration. It may seem strange to have the second half of your life described as a time of renewal and regeneration. But what I mean by this is that we experience a renewal of our relationship with ourselves. Our regeneration happens, not in a Dr Who way (although, that would be fun) but as a form of rebirth. Where we throw off the restraints and shackles of who and what society says we are supposed to be we can truly become ourselves. Ageing as a mindset It is easy...
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