Making Midlife the Best Time Ever

When I started writing about being in my 50s, I couldn’t find a word that I liked to describe my age. The ones I did see were not very inspiring:

• Middle-aged (often used as an insult for being dull and boring)
• Mid-life (associated with ‘crisis’)
• Mature (what, like a cheddar?)
• Menopausal or even worse, Post-Menopausal (yuk, far too clinical)
• Crone (too old and warty)

Which is when I decided on ‘wise woman’. I don’t really want to be any of the above, but I do quite like being a wise woman.

Then, as I looked at what a wise woman was, I found that many images came to mind.

• A healer or midwife
• A shaman or medicine woman
• A Fairy Godmother
• An elder stateswoman or leader
• A witch or crone

They all represent an older woman with a certain amount of skill and power, so I knew I was onto a winning name. So now, I want to reclaim the title wise woman for all women at or past menopause.

Women living their best lives

If you look up the word wisdom, it means ‘someone who has the experience, knowledge and good judgement.’ But I would also include the following as traits of the wise:

• Being authentic and trusting your intuition
• Learning from your mistakes
• Being independent and resourceful
• Open to learning new things
• They are non-judgemental as they are aware that they are not perfect
• Wanting to work for the common good rather than self-interest

It is not easy to follow this path, and we will often fall short, but that does not mean we shouldn’t aim to live our lives in the pursuit of wisdom.

How to live well in midlife

Just because there are ‘wise’ women doesn’t necessarily mean that there are also ‘dumb’ women. It is not a case of one or the other. Hands up, who has a list of dumb things they have done? (My most recent was going the wrong way up a one-way road!) The way to be wise is to acknowledge these things and try not to repeat them. Becoming wise isn’t something you just become; it is a process that takes a lifetime.

Embrace your age - after all, you can’t change it!

One of the requirements of wisdom is age. In a world where youth is celebrated and ageing is seen as something to avoid, age denial is something many of us are guilty of. By not acknowledging our age, we buy into the idea that getting older is shameful or embarrassing. Ageing is inevitable; it begins as soon as we are born! If we deny our age, then we are stigmatising ageing; after all, there is nothing we can do about it! Wouldn’t it be easier if we started to celebrate our ages, even if others do not? If someone compliments you on looking younger than your age. Tell them that this is what 55 looks like rather than thanking them.

Look for the positive benefits.

One way to do this is to look for the positives in getting older instead of concentrating on the negatives. Yes, our bodies are not as they were in our teens, but we can still be healthy and happy. Menopause can be challenging, but also it can be liberating. Hormonal changes may make us question our values and priorities and begin prioritising ourselves instead of others. Becoming more selfish isn’t necessarily bad, especially if you have spent most of your adult life looking after others and/or pursuing a career. Menopause is an ideal time to start looking at changes you want to make for your physical, emotional and spiritual health. This is one of the things that makes you a wise woman. If you are happy, then those around you will also benefit.

Develop your Wisdom

You may not feel wise, but that doesn’t mean you do not possess wisdom. It would be hard to live half a century or more and not gain some insight. Part of being wise is knowing that it is not a state of being; it is a virtue that you must keep working on. I think every woman has seeds of wisdom inside her. It is up to her to develop that wisdom through learning about herself and the world around her. Then, she must be prepared to share her knowledge to help make the world better.

Oh, and remember to have fun and enjoy yourself!

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