by Judith Stafford | May 16, 2021 | Becoming a Wise Woman, Self-Help
Five steps to help you set personal boundaries Healthy boundaries are essential in any relationship. They protect us from being controlled and manipulated and help us to feel comfortable and happy. However, sometimes it can be difficult to do so. Before you do this, you need to be clear about what you want and don’t want from the relationship. Make sure you’re crystal clear about your expectations for the relationship, both verbally and nonverbally. This will help avoid any misunderstandings or tension later on. Here are some ways to help: Step 1: Understand what healthy boundaries are What are healthy boundaries? Healthy boundaries are the lines that you draw in your life that protect you from being taken advantage of or hurt. They help you to manage your own emotions and stay in control of your relationships. There are different ways to set boundaries, but the most important thing is to be clear about what you want and need from your relationships. Some things to think about when setting boundaries include: What is too much for me?What does this person do or say that makes me feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable? How will this person treat me if I don’t follow these rules?Will they be understanding and supportive, or angry and punitive? Step 2: Identify where and with who you need to set boundaries Setting boundaries can be difficult in any relationship, but especially in close ones. It can be tricky to know where to draw the line between being supportive and enabling someone else’s unhealthy behaviour. Here are some tips for identifying where and with whom you need to...
by Judith Stafford | Apr 6, 2021 | Becoming a Wise Woman
At least without thinking about it We have all been there. Wondering what happened to that bright young thing you used to be and if there is any way you can bring back that spark into your life. But before you do anything rash that you might regret, stop, and think about what you are doing. Make sure you know what it is you really want and understand the underlying problem. Here are six things that you have to avoid doing on the spur of the moment. I’m not saying you can’t do these things at all. Just that you really need to understand what you are doing and why before you do anything drastic. Pack in your job You’ve been doing the same job for the last 10 years and you’re bored. You don’t care about promotions anymore, you think the company sucks, your manager is an idiot, and your job just seems pointless. What you really want to do is to tell them all to get stuffed and go off and become an artist, a writer or join a band. You have still got dreams. Anything rather than sit at the same desk with the same people doing the same thing, again and again, every day until you retire or die. Leave your partner You have been together forever, built a home, raised the kids, and had some great times. But now you seem to have nothing in common, you argue all the time, and can’t remember the last time you enjoyed each other’s company. In fact, if you have to watch him or her, lying...
by Judith Stafford | Mar 2, 2021 | Becoming a Wise Woman
Why Life is great as you get older - Part 1 Now is the best time to take a good, hard look at who you are and begin healing those old emotional wounds. By the time you reach midlife, you will have had many experiences, some good, some bad and many, many in-between. You will have run the whole gamut of emotions, including joy, sorrow, anger, fear, hope, gratitude, contentment, anxiety, guilt, inspiration, and indifference, to name but a few. Some of these negative feelings and the experiences that created them may need processing in order to live a satisfying, fulfilling life without regrets. Midlife is the perfect time to examine the experiences that have had the most significant adverse effect on our lives. By now, we should have the skills and the maturity to see what happened more objectively and accept and forgive ourselves and others for the pain caused. Many events in our lives can upset us, and if repeated, they can lead to destructive behaviour and bad habits. If we want to have the best possible time during the second half of our lives, we must process some of the bad habits and limiting beliefs we have accumulated that are holding us back. This might seem daunting, and I do not suggest you try to deal with everything simultaneously. But there will almost certainly be particular behavioural patterns that you recognise in yourself that you would like to change. The most frequent include: Self-sabotage Feeling unloved or unlovable Procrastination and perfectionism People pleasing Negative self-talk Refusing to ask for or accept help Blaming others Not feeling...
by Judith Stafford | Feb 3, 2021 | Becoming a Wise Woman
Regeneration is for Women in Midlife Too many of us view getting older as an ending. The end of youth, the end of fertility, the end of periods (hurray!) and even the end of our attractiveness and visibility to men. I think this is a shame. Despite what many people think, there are benefits to getting older. Instead of seeing ageing in terms of loss, we should see it as a transition. One that opens up new opportunities to the way we live our lives. The second half of our life should be seen as a transition, not an ending Life naturally moves in cycles. Women especially, move from one phase to another through their lives. We shouldn’t see any of these stages as better or worse than the others but accept that each stage has a different emphasis. During our 40s and 50s, we experience one of those transitions, the most obvious symptom of which is menopause. This is natural, and instead of fighting it, we should embrace it. When we do, midlife can be a time of renewal and regeneration. It may seem strange to have the second half of your life described as a time of renewal and regeneration. But what I mean by this is that we experience a renewal of our relationship with ourselves. Our regeneration happens, not in a Dr Who way (although, that would be fun) but as a form of rebirth. Where we throw off the restraints and shackles of who and what society says we are supposed to be we can truly become ourselves. Ageing as a mindset It is easy...
by Judith Stafford | Jan 12, 2021 | Becoming a Wise Woman
How do you feel about your age? Happy, Unhappy, Ambivalent? You are not alone if you don’t feel happy about getting older. For many women, the years between 40 and 60 (or even 70 nowadays) are a time of change, physical, emotional, and spiritual, and that change is rarely welcomed. And no wonder! Look at the words used to describe older women. Old bag Hag Cougar Crone Mutton Menopausal It is hard to find any positive words to describe us – cougar is the best we can hope for! When I am talking about myself, I tend to use the words, mid-life and second half of life to describe this period in our lives, but the word I have embraced for myself, and I would like you to as well, is ‘wise woman’. I think this is a good word to describe us as we get older. Wisdom is something that comes with age – hopefully! Therefore, it is a wonderfully positive way to portray us as we age - growing in power rather than losing it. Our identity and who we are isn’t necessarily something we think much about when we get past our teens – when we are obsessed with it! We are usually too busy being mothers, having jobs and building a life. But as we get older, children grow up and leave home, jobs become may be less exciting and we become perimenopausal and then experience menopause, how we feel about our lives can change. Menopause marks the end of our fertility. It is a definite marker in our lives that men do not have....
by Judith Stafford | Aug 27, 2020 | Becoming a Wise Woman
Do you really want to be ‘Hot at 50’? Not if I have to give up cheese and wine! Hey girls, isn’t it great to see that you can still be ‘Hot’ at 50 or even 60? Just look at Sharon Stone, Halle Berry, Courtney Cox, Liz Hurley and Jennifer Aniston looking fabulous photographed in their bikinis, with bodies many 20-year-olds would envy! Surely this is a good thing? It shows you can look fantastic at any age. I’m not sure. If it is so great, then why do I feel so uneasy about it? The women above all work in the entertainment industry – they depend upon the way they look for their work. I really do think it is great – for them, but maybe not for the rest of us mere mortal women. How many women do you know who have flat stomachs, no wrinkles, cellulite, or flabby bits? I know women over 50 who are fit and slim, but they don’t look like that. So, just how easy is it to look like Sharon Stone at 60 and could I look like that too? Ageing Naturally Our bodies naturally change as we get older, so trying to look like we did at 20 is not realistic. In the run-up to menopause our body shape changes due to hormone fluctuations. Fat is distributed differently; it moves from our hips and breasts to our waists. Our metabolism slows down, so we need to eat less and this makes it easy to put on weight and harder to shift it when it is there. This change is...
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